What is the key to develop empathy in leadership?

One of the silver linings of the worldwide crises we’ve been experiencing in recent years has been a greater recognition of the need for empathy on the part of leaders. 

I have been trying to learn from this discussion, which is taking place in many sectors of activity around the globe. And most of what I’m encountering is a somewhat less complete notion of empathy that the approach we take when we’re teaching the Emotional Rescue Method in our courses and workplace programs.

In much of the general conversation around empathy and leadership, the somatic element is missing. The general understanding of empathy is more in line with what I would refer to as “cognitive empathy.” Perspective-taking is one term used in psychology regarding that kind of empathy.

Empathy beyond perspective-taking

Of course, we know that perspective-taking is extremely important! It is absolutely essential. But to have empathy only on a cognitive level, while useful, is limited in its effect. Because we know from neuroscience and the study of things like mirror neurons, is that there’s another layer of empathy that runs deeper –– it’s a kind of somatic resonance. When you understand what the other person is experiencing not just at the level of concepts or stories, but at the level of a resonance that you actually feel in your body.

So, I think if you’re able to put together cognitive perspective-taking with that kind of somatic resonance, that actually opens up all sorts of creative options for how to proceed. And the reason for this, scientists have found, is interoception –– that sense of the internal state of our body as a whole, that resides in our soft tissues, for example. Interoception happens before any kind of cognitive thought. And that is key because that kind of somatic resonance is free of our usual cognitive biases. It’s clear and immediate. It happens before we even have a chance to put any labels on it. So there’s a kind of pattern recognition that happens, pre-conceptually, that contributes to this deeper kind of empathy or emotional resonance.

Okay, so those are a lot of nice scientific terms. But you and I know, experientially, the difference between imagining what someone’s going through on a purely intellectual level –– and the gut-level feeling of really understanding what someone’s going through. And we know what it feels like, in our bodies, to receive empathy. That feeling when you know “that person really gets me.” 

So as a leader, if you can combine both cognitive empathy and somatic resonance, then you have a much more powerful sense of what is motivating your team member, what makes them tick, and what’s going to be supportive for them to be their best self at work. It’s a more fully integrated approach.
In order for us to really tune into someone, to have that somatic empathy or somatic resonance, the first foundational element has to be that you’re grounded in yourself. If you are not grounded in yourself, not connected to your own internal workings as a leader, there’s no way, really, to tune into and connect –– with somatic empathy or somatic resonance –– to the person you’re working with. So starting with our own inner awareness as leaders is absolutely where we need to start when we’re building the foundational skills for empathy.

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